We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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