i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
