Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
