Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
