i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
