I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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