I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize