Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
