Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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