she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
