Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
