The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
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i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
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After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?