Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
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i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
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Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Can't talk, ducks in the car