I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
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... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
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Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever