the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.