Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
