It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
