im six kinds of drunk right now
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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