I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
we should paint friendship bongs
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
