brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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