its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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