he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
please come you make the beer taste better
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
