so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
it's like iHOP with fire
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
