just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
