From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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