I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
