just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
