why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
