Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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