you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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