Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
