The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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