I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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