i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize