I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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