You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
