adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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