Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
