This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
