We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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