I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He kissed a someone with a penis
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
