Little spoons don't ask big questions
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
