im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
