Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize