I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
