now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
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So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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