Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He shit in the fireplace
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
