Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
