I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
