i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
