i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
