You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
