i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
