I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
