Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
