actually, I'm a sock model
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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