What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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