Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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