i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
