am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
