It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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