So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
