I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
