That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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