R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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