not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
