I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
