So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
