my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
