So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
