I will die if light touches me.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
