I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
