mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
