I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
