When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
